Newly divorced Cheryl Cole has broken her silence on her bed-hopping ex Ashley in an interview with Vogue magazine.
Asked if she felt betrayed by her former husband, Cheryl replies: ‘Yes, definitely I do.’
And she admits she is hugely relieved they never had children. She says: ‘I’ve got to take everything that’s happened and learn from it. I accept that that’s a chapter of my life that’s finished. And I’ve just got to be grateful that I’ve got so many good things going on. I have.
‘And there’s no children, you know? Some people’s lives fall apart, are turned upside-down. Of course, it [the split] is heartbreaking, but it’s not anything remotely like it could have been and I’m very, very thankful for that.’
In the aftermath of her marriage collapse she admits getting ‘frightened of her own mind’ at night because it races uncontrollably.
The X Factor judge, who flew back from LA on Sunday, can’t switch off from her hectic work schedule. She says: ‘Night-time, that’s when my brain starts ticking over. I’m frightened of my mind at night. I find myself racing, racing, racing. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think what was that all about? And it’s so vivid when I dream. So vivid it could be real.’
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Posing with a healthy glow after overcoming malaria, she is now rumoured to be dating US dancer Derek Hough.
In her remarkably candid interview she also reveals she is determined to become a mum – in a bid to become less self-absorbed.
On the prospect of a family, she says: ‘That’s definitely something I want to achieve. It’s the toughest job in the world but I know it must be the most rewarding, too. I am ready now. I’m 27. I’m a woman, not a girl any more. I really feel that.’
She adds: ‘Thinking about yourself constantly isn’t so healthy. I suppose that’s the point of having children, isn’t it? Being able to live your life through them instead of you, having them be your motivation? That’s the ‘‘right’’ thing, I’m thinking, when you love someone more than you love yourself.’
Read Cheryl’s full interview in the October issue of Vogue out on Thursday.