Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – especially hard-as-nails Geordie Cheryl Cole.
The X Factor judge releases her second album, Messy Little Raindrops, on November 1 and I managed to get my hands on an early demo.
There are eight cracking new tracks, recorded during one of the most turbulent years of her life.
One song in particular, Happy Tears, goes straight for love rat ex-husband Ashley’s jugular.
The lyrics include lines about slashing his tyres, burning his suits, knocking back apologies, blocking calls and selling all her diamonds.
As Cheryl might say: “Divvint mess with me, pet.”
At first it sounds like a weepy heartbreaker with the opening lines: “I cried when I heard you were cheatin’/I cried when I said I was leavin’/I cried when my heart stopped believin’/But I’m all out of tears.” But the chorus explains these are no tears of pain. Oh no. Just “happy tears”.
Suck that one up, Mr Cole.
Cheryl didn’t write the song herself but approved the lyrics. She hasn’t put her pop career on hold during all the X Factor madness, L’Oreal business or the small matter of that life-threatening malaria she had to deal with.
Straight after her show-stopping performance at the Brits in February, she dived back into the studio and cracked on.
You can’t blame her. Her debut album, 3 Words, is triple platinum – more than 900,000 copies – and she has sold over 1.5million singles. And from what I’ve listened to, her latest album is shaping up for a similar success.
Her first single from it, Promise This, is already out, with more pop than bubble wrap.
Yeah Yeah is a big dance hit with a heavy hint of Madonna in her Confessions On A Dance Floor era. It will be a big club hit, guaranteed, with guest vocals from Travie McCoy.
A slightly more gentle track is Live Tonight, produced by will.i.am. It has my favourite lyric of the year too: “Dee-dum-dum-dum-diddy-dum-dum.”
There must have been a pop monsoon in the UK recently – because her next single will be The Flood, the same title as Take That’s comeback as a five-piece.
I revealed last week that Everybody, Everyone, another track on the album, features Dizzee Rascal. It’s a brilliant collaboration.
He raps: “Raised in the gutter, I came from the bottom, under-privileged and overly rotten. I heard in Scotland they call it The Schemes so I plugged and plotted to follow my dreams.” Class.
Cheryl’s got her Fisher-Price piano out on track Hummingbird. If Tinkerbell were a pop star, this is how I’d imagine her music would sound. That’s no criticism – it’s infectious pop.
Let’s Get Down is another radio and club-friendly track which should be a real hit in aerobics classes up and down the country.
And Waiting, the last song I heard, sampled the classic Vanessa Carlton piano hook from A Thousand Miles.
Cheryl has washed her hair of that gimp Ashley, and pulled together another guaranteed No1 album. Good work ma’am.